Coffee and Musings
Coffee Fueled Stories  

Coffee: I Can’t Quit You.

I tried.

It was the worst two weeks of my life.

Can you imagine an avid coffee drinker not drinking coffee?

What was it like you ask?

It was horrible.

Why did I do it?

Well, I thought I would try a 30 day detox program that came highly recommended.

I had to clean out the fridge, the pantry and myself.

Part of that cleansing was to purge the body of toxins. I thought no biggie, I am not a sugar freak and bread and chips and salsa are my only real weakness so this should easy peasy.

I was totally in. I bought the products and I had the meals planned out; I was ready for this program.

Then the “coach” sent out the message: no coffee for the next 30 days.

WHAT. THE. Literal F*#% do you mean no coffee for the next 30 days???!!!!

Coffee is not toxic!! Coffee is the opposite. It has many benefits, we know because it has been studied.

I sent a message back saying I would have never signed up for this if I had known that this was part of the deal. SERIOUSLY!! But I already paid some exorbitant amount for the program so I might as well try.

She said, “just try it for a day. If you can survive the headaches and grumpiness, keep going for the next few days after that.”

I had to warn everyone I worked with that I was trying a new detox thing and no coffee was part of it. I was not happy. I was in a bad mood every freaking morning. Which is very out of character for me. I always wake up ready for the day and excited for my first cup of coffee. Now I had nothing to look forward to other than mood swings, crankiness, agitation, and a poopy mood in general.

It was one week in and I was over the initial shock of the lack of coffee. I kept a journal to see how I was “feeling” when I already knew how I was feeling: f@#$%^ pissed. There were a lot of ugly words written during that time. Words that scared and surprised me 0_o

I was through the second week and still being “coached” through the program. I bombarded her daily as to when I could have just a sip of black coffee. I never drink black coffee, but I was so desperate to have my friend back I was willing to drink it black.

Finally after two weeks she said, “go ahead drink your coffee if you want, but you won’t have the same results since you weren’t able to stick to the complete program.”

I said, “EF the results!! Never, ever take away my coffee again” and walked away from the program.

That was the first and only time I quit coffee. It was the worst two weeks of my life. I’m sure my team, my boss, and my coworkers were just as happy to have my happy, coffee-loving-self back.

Then I hired a real Coach and Personal Trainer; I asked her if she would ever take my coffee away and she said, “no, never. I love coffee” I knew I had the right Coach. After eight months following her program I had amazing results and was in the best shape of my life with all the coffee I wanted.

She took nothing away; she allowed me to have anything I wanted. The only thing I had to earn were my soy cappuccinos (which are now oatmilk cappuccinos) and cheat meals. I was eating up to seven meals a day and I was super toned at 48!!

I apologized to coffee for quitting it for those two weeks and promised to never quit it again.

Thank you coffee for understanding and thank you Coach for NEVER, EVER taking my coffee away.

Here’s my first blog about Fasted Cardio:

8 thoughts on “Coffee: I Can’t Quit You.

  1. jobuslimen


    1. CoffeeFitnessUnicorn

      You know it!!!

  2. K.S.

    This is where I would completely lie my face off with zero regrets.

    Coach (on the phone): Have you given up coffee?
    Me (while sipping a giant mug of joe): Yes.
    Coach: What is that I hear you drinking?
    Me (without missing a beat): Hot water with a squeeze of lemon.

    Seriously . . . I’m glad you found a coach and trainer who let you have anything you wanted but taught you to view it as something to be earned. I think binging happens because people deny themselves too much instead of bargaining and rationalizing.

    P.S. Yay for all the mug shots! I’ll never peek in someone’s medicine cabinet but I will snoop up a storm when it comes to coffee mugs and books.

    1. CoffeeFitnessUnicorn

      I love that you’d lie about it. You’re a lot bolder than me.
      Yes, coffee mugs and books are the window to view a person🤘

  3. jackpiesquigglebottomthethird

    Ugh I could feel your pain in this writing. I went through kinda the same. I was committed to this program but they wanted me to give up coffee. I compromised to drinking it black. And still do drink it black at work. At home im back on the creamer lol

    1. CoffeeFitnessUnicorn

      Coffee love at its purest.

  4. VinceHomeMade

    I quit coffee as a bet once, from many cups a day to zero.

    I lasted 4 months, only because I knew that for every day I didn’t the other person was not allowed one either. Then OI caught them cheating and it was all over . That first sip was pure heaven.

  5. Emily Terry

    Oh my gosh! Thank goodness that bit of torture is over! Coffee is a MUST! Good for you for finding a program that serves YOU! ☕️🖤

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